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Noticing abuse
When children starts to behave in the following ways they might be victims of abuse or exploitation:
- Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, insomnia
- Changes in behaviour, extreme mood swings, excessive crying
- Unusual interest in sexual matters
- Changes in toilet-training habits
- Bruises, cuts or poorly explained injuries
- Pain, bleeding, fluid or rawness in the private areas
- School problems
4. The victims
Abused children come from all types of families. Some children who are raised in poor conditions live in happy and safe families. Others may live in rich houses but are abused.
Risk factors:
- Children are more at risk to be physically abused in families where is unemployment, where the father is a manual worker and where is a conflict between the parents.
- Of sexual abuse: Children are at risk from stepfathers and if one of the family members was sexually abused as a children themselves.
- Of exploitation: runaways (Ironically: Most of them flee from homes where they have been abused)
- Mentally handicapped children, because they can¡¦t defend themselves
Reaction of abused children:
- Some children try hard to avoid abuse: they are anxious, sensitive and over attentive,...
- Others do nothing against it, because they are afraid the abuse will get harder: are very active, clumsy, careless and have often accidents,...
- Stop enjoying things children usually enjoy to do, acting like grown-ups
- Children often blame themselves for what is happening, because they trust on their parents (who are often the abusers) and consider them perfect. Consequently it can only be their own fault.
Effects on the victim and his/her family:
If the culprit is a family member the situation is very difficult, because the family break up. Consequently there is more chaos and stress for the abused person than before. The need for a therapy for the child is very important, but not only for him/her. The whole family (or the rest of it) needs a counselling to learn how to cope with the situation. Maybe there are pent-up guilty feelings. ( The mother because she didn¡¦t notice anything, or she realised it, but prefered to be quiet; the child because he/she thinks the destruction of the family is his/her fault.) Nevertheless the abuser can be a person they have loved. He hurts his family and now he goes away (maybe he is imprisoned).
Besides after sexual abuse a child has to learn to develop a normal sexuality and feeling for his/her own body again. Victims tell that the feel dirty, untouchable and worthless afterwards. Children may be fearful, withdrawn, anxious, aggressive and confused, they may suffer from insomnia, bed-wetting or depression and could have difficulties at school and problems to trust anybody again. According to some experts abused children are more likely to turn to alcohol, drugs or crime; to abuse their own children ( vicious circle). If the abused child isn¡¦t able to get over this painful experience, it could be possible that she/he would never have a normal love relationship.
5. The abuser
Abusers are fathers, mothers, friends and relations. Only occasionally they are stranger. 90% of sexual abuse is committed by men, but physical abuse is committed by men and women equally.
Two groups of abuser
- Abuse connected with background: unemployment, abused as a child, alcohol problem,...
- Abuse connected with personality: Outwardly he is often isolated, impulsive and self-righteous. But inside he feels confused, frustrated, powerless and dependent.
The sexual abuser is often moralistic, shy and uses intellectual and rational arguments to explain his behaviour.
Many of the abusers were victims of abuse themselves. According to some experts women who has been sexually abused as a child are attracted to an abusive type of man. ("³ her daughters and sons might also be abused)
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